The plague of the chocolate frogs
by Magically me
Summary: This story is for those fans of harry potter who like outrageously funny stories. Plot: a plague of chocolate frogs has swept through Hogwarts, Hermione is one of those who has been hit by the plague, and what shall become of her? Find out...
1. Chapter 1: Hermione's a FROG?

A/N: If you read this I'd like you to review!

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to JK. The story line belongs to me!

The students at Hogwarts were all gathered in the banquet hall, awaiting an important announcement from Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, well, all of them were their except for the ones who had been taken down by the sick-chocolate-frog plague that had started earlier that day at Hagrid's class.

For some reason only mud-bloods had been taken sick, people like the slytherins had suspicions that this was because of the plagued chocolate frogs had "dirty blood".

Which is why, Harry and Ron found themselves in the banquet hall without Hermione for the first time that year.

Dumbledore finally came in and the room fell silent.

"Greetings everyone!" He spread his arms out wide, although he was trying to look happy you could tell there was something wrong, "I know you are eager to know what shall befall those plagued by the chocolate frogs," all the students stood at rapt attention. Harry looked around and noticed that Draco Malfoy had an oddly, strange, Lucius Malfoy looking smirk on his face.

"Well," Dumbledore continued, "I am sorry to say that, all those plagued by the chocolate frogs shall…" the entire room held it's breath, "be turned into chocolate frogs!"

The entire room started up conversation immediately. Ron and Harry just stared at each other.

Professor McGonagall tapped her glass, "Quite, the headmaster has more to say!" she screeched.

Dumbledore bowed his head at her respectfully, "Thank you, Minerva. Now, many of you will be wondering how we can know this," Dumbledore opened his fist and revealed a tiny cage, which held a chocolate frog that had strange, bushy skin, "This," Dumbledore announced, "once was, Miss Hermione Granger,"

Dumbledore beckoned to Ron and Harry as the room exploded once more, "Ron, Harry," he said, "I've asked each of the students taken by the plague who they would like to take care of them when they are frogs, at least until they can go home, right now the chocolate frog collectors are going crazy, so it would be very dangerous to send them all home," Dumbledore smiled, "Hermione picked you two, go to Madame Pomfrey to learn how to properly take care of her, and to pick up some food," Dumbledore shooed them away, go now!


	2. Chapter 2: um, thats a cricket, Ron

A/N the second chapter in this great story!!! Keep the reviews coming! Wee...I am so excited! does somersault and lands on reader OMG!!! I'm really sorry! I promise I'll pay the hospital bill! waves as reader is taken away in ambulance D

Disclaimer: Once again, -sighs- story line: MINE, characters: JK'S.

Ron and Harry hurried towards Madame Pomfrey, Harry was very careful not to swing the cage around too much; he didn't want to jostle Hermione. He and Ron tried not to think about the fact that their best friend was now a chocolate frog.

Instead they concentrated on trying to get to Madame Pomfreys, the stairs were particularly agitated that day.

Once they got there they stopped for a breath outside the door, Madame Pomfrey saw them though, "Oh, dear! Come in, come in! Oh, you're the first one's to come today! Of course, I'm going to have a lot of visitors from now on, what with a eighth of the student population being turned into chocolate frogs! Oh, so, I suppose you came in for food? Who have you got their?" She peeked into the cage Harry was carrying, "oh, should've known, Hermione, am I right?" She turned to Harry.

"Er…yes," Harry was a bit uncomfortable.

"Well, here you go," Madame Pomfrey handed him a bag "now shoo! I've got loads of work to do!"

Ron and Harry peeked into the bag, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA," yelled Ron as something small and brown jumped onto his freckled nose, "It's got me! Ah, help 'arry! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Ron ran around the Gryfindors common room screaming and yelling. Ginny came down from her dorm ran to Ron, tackled him and plucked the thing off his nose.

"Ron," Ginny held out the thing that had been on his nose, "It's a bug, a cricket to be exact,"

"Oh, right. I knew that!"


	3. Chapter 3: Ron might secretly be two

A/N: Thanks to my reader Violingeeknm for the suggestions that led to this chapter. Keep the reviews coming!

Disclaimer: read back a chapter if you really want to know…

Hermione looked at the thing Harry was holding out in front of her. Did he honestly expect her to eat it? It WAS A CRICKET FOR DUMBLEDORE'S SAKE!

She didn't want to eat a bug, but she was starving. Besides, frogs ate bugs! Though, to be truthful, even Hermione couldn't remember if she'd ever read anything saying what chocolate frogs ate. She thought that they got eaten before they were hungry.

Hermione shivered. She couldn't help it, the though of being eaten terrified her.

TIME OUT: Author speaking here: do not think this is just funny! Hermione's AFRAID. And for good reason! Aren't you afraid of being eaten? Okay, TIME IN:

The though of being gnashed between teeth. Uhhh.

Hermione turned her attention back to the thing Harry was holding out, "I'm not eating that," she said. And even she was surprised when those words actually came out, not a "ribbit".

But, if Hermione the Chocolate Frog was surprised, you can imagine Ron, Ginny and Harry's faces, they though they had gone insane!

And, hearing Hermione talk had set Ron off again, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, I want to go away! Get me out of here! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Hermione's talking, I can't stand it! I can't stand it!!! No, no no! WAAAAA!,"

"RON!" Hermione's yell almost knocked her on her back, once she had regained her composure she turned to Ron, "Harry, let me out of this thing," she said, gesturing to the cage. Harry hesitantly unlatched the door. Hermione was thankful there was no one else in the common room, she'd prefer to keep the secret of being able to talk, to herself.

But, that would come later, right now she had a screaming 16 year old on her hands, well, not hands but, well, what do you even call frogs fingers and toes?

Ah, well. She'd do some research later, as she had said before, right now she had a screaming 16 year old on her hands, "Ron Weasley, you better calm down RIGHT now. I will not stand for this!" Hermione hopped onto his ear so he could hear her better, "I am a frog, yes. But I am still Hermione! And Hermione WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS."

After about 20 more minutes of Hermione yelling into Ron's ear while he screamed he finally came around, "Eh, 'ermione! Get off me!"

"Humph," Hermione jumped back as Ron stood up, his face streaked with tears and his nose very red.

Hermione looked at Ginny and Harry, both of them stood with their mouths so wide you could have put Hagrid in there.

"Ron! Well, you're a sight! Honestly! How'd you get into this mess?"

Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Harry all turned around, only to see… DA DA DA


	4. Chapter 4: Lavender Brown

A/N: well, I know you are all eager to know who the mysterious person talking to Ron was. And now you shall find out! So, without further ado… Ms. Lavender Brown!

claps

Wait, why aren't you clapping? Lavender was always one of _my _favorite charact-

audience starts clapping as Parvati walks in

Oh! I see were your loyalty lies! What about lavend-

is cut off as security guards walk in to carry the author away

Guard: maam, your supposed to be writing a story.

Oh! Yes, well, humph, I knew _that! _

_silly old badger! _

Okay, okay, here's the story!!!

Oh, wait, no, cut that last line, replace "story" with disclaimer!

Disclaimer: read back if ya wanna know! I think it's in the chapter 'Um, Ron, that's a cricket"

Okay, NOW THE STORRRRRRRRRRRRY!!!

Ron gasped, "Lavander, Parvati?"

"Yeah," Lavender raised an eyebrow, "honestly Ron! You look like a two year old, what were you doing?"

"Well…uh, you see, uh," Ron looked at Harry, "Help me," he said through gritted teeth, then gestured with his head towards Lavender and Parvati.

"Well, uh, Lavender! Oh, I need to ask you something so, will you come this way? I have something to show you…" Harry led Lavender away.

Ron looked at Ginny.

Ginny rolled her eyes, and as she swept past Ron she muttered, "You owe me," then she took Parvati's elbow and led her upstairs, exclaiming loudly about this new picture of Gilderoy Lockhart she had.

Ron sighed, "I better go clean up," he looked around the room, "Oh, Hermione, just get in your cage okay? I'll put you by Harry's bed on my way to the bathroom."

Hermione rolled her eyes, but did as he asked.


	5. Chapter 5: please, Ronniepoo?

A/N: sorry the chapters are so short, I'm taking a poll. Would you rather the chapters be short and that I update more often? Or long and I don't update as much? Review and say your preference. Please check out my other stories!

After Ron was cleaned up, it was time to go to the banquet hall. He snuck Hermione the Chocolate Frog in his pocket.

He kept looking around, hoping to see Harry or Ginny so he could thank them. But, then he got distracted when Fleur approached him.

"Hello, Ron, she said, smiling and dazzling him with her pearly-white teeth.

"Hello, Fleur," Ron smiled back, smitten.

"Ron," Fleur put on her best bambi eyes, "I don't suppose you'd consider, doing little old me a favor?" She batted her eyelashes.

"Anything for you, dear- ouch!" Ron winced in pain as Hermione bit him.

"Oh no! What happened, Ronnie-poo?"

Hermione growled, "that is _my _Ron," she thought.

Ron smiled at Fleur, "Some nasty little critter bit me! Fleur, would you like to sit with me at breakfast this morning?"

"Why, of course Ron!" Hermione could just imagine her batting her long, dark eyelashes as Ron gazed at her with that stupid, smitten expression on her face.

Once they were seated, with Ron and Fleur sitting VERY close together on the bench, Fleur began to explain to Ron about her "favor". The entire time Ron kept scooting closer to Fleur and jostling Hermione.

Hermione couldn't wait for breakfast to be over, in fact she had to restrain herself from jumping for joy when Dumbledore said it was time to go to class.

Ron took Hermione out of his pocket once he had said a very long goodbye to Fleur Delacoure.

"About time!" Hermione scowled, "I almost suffocated!"

"Right, well, I'm terribly sorry, 'ermione," Ron grinned with a far away look in his eyes, "Fleur needed that favor!"

Hermione shook her head, "When will you ever learn, Ron Weasley?" She muttered under her breath, not loud enough for him to hear.

"Well, anways 'ermione, I gotta get to class, so, while I'm at class I'll let you have free run of the halls…now listen, I've informed a couple of people 'bout you, so if you see Luna, Fred, George, Harry, Ginny or Victor, you can hitch a ride," Ron grinned, pleased with himself.

"Awww, thanks Ron!" Hermione was flattered, he cared!

"Sure, no problem. Anyway, I gotta go," Ron put Hermione gently on the ground and strode off, growing smaller and smaller as he walked away.

Hermione smiled, it would be nice to have a day off, none of the other frogs were expected to be able to talk and all that, so none of them had to attend classes. Last night she had gotten a message from the house elves about a "Frog meeting" being held in the room of requirement at 10:00. Apparently, a lot of students knew about the secret cupboard.

At precisely 10 o'clock, Hermione was hopping up an down outside the room of requirement, thinking, "I need a room where frogs can meet" as had been instructed in the message.

The door finally appeared, and Hermione hopped through a low, opening, not sure what she would find inside… DADADA

A/N: Yes, I do like those kinds of endings, its called suspense! DADADA, plus it's just fun to type "Dadada"! Especially if you get to do it in CAPS.


	6. Chapter 6: And your little boyfriend too

A/N: this chapter is dedicated to Catherine Arjet whom stood by me in the writing process. :D Please, please review! Thanks so much.

Disclaimer: Etc, Etc, Etc lalalala Yeah.

Hermione entered the Meeting Room and found quite a few wildly dressed frogs, none of whom she recognized. The frogs had found random tid-bits to adorn themselves in, a frog doing what looked like an Irish jig in the center of the room was wearing a scrap of plaid fabric and had whittled out a toothpick for some bagpipes. _Weird…_thought Hermione…_Doesn't that dumb person know that bagpipes are from Scotland? Oh well. Let them be geographically retarded. See if I care. Humph. _Hermione scanned the room with her little chocolate frog eyes until she saw a frog resembling someone she knew.

"Mildred!" Hermione shouted as she recognized a girl from potions. Mildred hopped towards her but they were pushed apart rudely as two mudbloods snogging each other stumbled towards the west end of the room. Hermione picked herself up from the floor and shot a look of death towards the rowdy frogs. She then asked about Mildred's health and wondered if anything else would happen at this dumb 'meeting'.

Hermione and Mildred were talking about the mid-terms they would not be able to take when a familiar voice called out, "Hermio-ninny! Not only mud-bloods are turning into chocolate frogs! I 'ave too!" Victor Krum rushed towards his happy buttercup, Hermio-ninny.

Hermione turned around as a very good-looking frog hopped up behind her and Mildred. "Victor!" Hermione cried as she threw her little frog arms around the quidditch player. "I can't believe it! I'm so glad! Well, I mean, it sucks for you, but I'm glad to have company!" Hermione glanced at Mildred and saw her hurt expression. "Oh no! I didn't mean…" Hermione trailed off. Mildred ran away yelling, "I'll get you! And your little boyfriend too!" she cursed Hermione and Victor.

DADADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ooooh, I bet the suspense is KILLING you, huh? Oh well, too bad. This chapter is DONE. You'll have to wait for the next chapter! 


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